At Betty Hamilton Matchmakers, we have been helping exceptional people find love for many years. From our experience, we have identified five of the most common gay dating mistakes. Read on to see if you have also experienced these pitfalls.
It’s one thing finding the man of your dreams, but perhaps the hardest part is keeping him. As matchmakers, we understand the world of dating can be tricky to navigate, and we are there for our clients every step of the way. Although there are no set rules on what you should do when dating, there are, however, some things you could avoid. From our experience, we have identified the five most common gay dating mistakes we see.
1. Alignment on Future Goals
When it comes to long-term relationship goals, it’s important to be on the same page as your partner, as a compromise in this area can be a dangerous game.
Part of our role as matchmakers is to match our clients with truly compatible people. One of the factors we take into account is an alignment on future goals. It’s best to be clear on your partner’s intentions from the beginning, rather than falling head over heels with someone to later find out he doesn’t want children or to get married when these are things you have always wanted.
Of course, marriage and children are not things you want to bring up on the first date, it may be months before you want to address these questions in the hope your views are aligned. As matchmakers, we ask those questions you may not want to from the beginning. We ensure to match our clients with gentlemen who want the same things in life, especially when it comes to deal-breakers such as marriage and children! Meeting someone already knowing your future relationship goals are aligned can help you to relax on the date and enjoy the ride without always wondering in the back of your mind when is the best time to ask those vital questions!
2. The key of communication
Good communication is an important part of all relationships. Every relationship has ups and downs, and as we can’t read each other’s minds, it’s important to be able to articulate how you feel to your partner. Communicating clearly can help to avoid misunderstandings that may result in hurt or anger and can help to build a stronger and healthier partnership. Our advice is to break through that urge to ‘go into your cave’, embrace your emotions, and tell your partner how you feel. You might be surprised how positively it can affect your relationship!
3. Labeling the relationship too soon
There’s nothing like the feeling of getting swept away with the emotion and romanticism of a new relationship. While there is nothing wrong with getting carried away during the honeymoon phase, our advice is to play it cool and to avoid putting labels on things too quickly.
There is a natural progression that needs to take place before you should put a label on your relationship. If you put labels on things too early on, this may mean you have not taken enough time to get to know your man in a variety of different contexts. This can ultimately lead to the breakdown of a relationship sooner than expected as without fully understanding someone, you cannot be sure whether your values truly align.
Rather than spending time wondering whether you are exclusive, spend that time to really get to know your partner; how does he deal with challenging situations? How does he treat others? Getting to know what he is really like, will help you to understand what it will be like to be his boyfriend and whether that is something you truly want.
4. Moving in together
When you’re in the honeymoon period early on in the relationship, it may seem like a fantastic idea to move in together – you can now see your partner every day! However, moving in too soon can stop the romantic whirlwind as quickly as it started.
Instead of moving in too quickly, we advise to spend an extensive amount of time with your partner to see if this is something that would work. Get to know his idiosyncrasies: does he take care of the house; is he tidy or messy? How does he like to relax? Is he a night person or a morning person? This will allow you to figure out whether you will fit together on a practical level.
On the other hand, if you have been in a committed relationship for some time and still don’t have any belongings at his place, this may indicate that one of you may be a slight commitment-phobe. If you are either struggling to commit or waiting for him to finally commit, this needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. Life is too short to be waiting around for these things to sort themselves!
5. “Opposites attract” fact or myth?
You may have heard the common saying that gets used in the industry of love: ‘opposites attract’. According to scientists, this is in fact a myth. Scientists have shown we are more likely to be attracted to those who hold the same values and beliefs as ourselves. Therefore, a more accurate saying may be ‘birds of a feather flock together’.
At Betty Hamilton Matchmakers, we understand this better than most. Our matchmaking model blends psychological principles with professional consultations. We have developed our unique compatibility profiling session to delve into our members’ core values so we can handpick matches whose values, ideals, and interests align with those of our clients. An alignment in values is an unavoidable factor when it comes to compatibility, and our 85% success rate is a testament to this.
If you’re a gay man on the search for love, get in touch today to find out how we can help you on our journey. We have an exceptional network of single gay gentlemen all waiting to meet their match. If you and your partner are experiencing any difficulties, perhaps some highlighted in this article, feel free to reach out to our in-house relationship psychologist Pamela Smith Jones.